On Movember

My 20-day-old moustache is starting to itch lately.

And lots of people have already advised me to shave it off.

Which I will do soon anyways, in just 10 days more.

So, this year marks the third year I participate in Movember. At the end of which, I always ended up looking like a guy who tried to grow his moustache somewhat halfheartedly. Although it's actually closer to unsuccessfully.

'Coz I always do it wholeheartedly, darn it.

I resist 20 days of itchiness, of the urges to get clean-shaven and be better looking. Sorta.

I steel myself against constructive criticism of my moustache, and put on a deaf ear.

I swallow the fact that my girls run away from my itchy kisses.

All to show support for my fellow brethren.

Still, for all of my good intentions, my moustache usually does its own thing, just to prove a point and stick its autonomous independence on me.

Its M.O. is usually a rapid growth spurt for the first week. Followed by a 3 weeks break in which it seems to hibernate and stop any growth efforts whatsoever, creating its signature lazy-ass moustache look. And then closed off with 2 days of cram-growth session, finishing in a Tom Selleck reject style. Or perhaps Burt Reynolds reject. I always have a hard time differentiating the 2.

Although some kind souls have said that by the end of November, I sorta look like a bashed-up version of Fachry Albar. When viewed through a squint. With dim lighting. Aided by alcohol.

Still, you don't see Hitler complaining to his moustache, so I guess I shouldn't either. In fact, I shall wear it with pride.

And to those of you who invite me to events this November, brace yourselves. My stache is coming.

PS -  To those of you unfamiliar with Movember, here's a wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Movember

Moving on

A popular topic, this.

And way easier said than done. One of those things where it looks straightforward in theory, but sorta unexpectedly complicated when one attempts to put it into practice.

Because favorite mistakes tend to get very addictive, even if you fully and consciously realized what you're doing is a mistake.

Take a friend of mine, for example.

He and his girl broke up, then they sorta entered a no status relationship, then the girl sorta got another boyfriend, and yet she refused to let him or the new boyfriend go, and things become downright pain-in-the-ass complicated from then on.

All because she can't make up her mind.

Or won't. Since we all know, the temptation is strong to be able to keep your cake and eat it too... But then again, greed is listed as 1 of the 7 deadly sins not for nothing, so perhaps it's best to consider that also when facing this sorta temptations  :p

Anyway, the reason she can't choose is supposedly because one party will end up getting hurt if she made her choice, and she doesn't want that to happen because she doesn't want to hurt anybody. Which we all know, is pretty much a crappy reason with a shitty logic. Why? Because she's already hurting my friend anyway by insisting to hang him out to dry within the uncertain-zone in the first place. And she's also hurting her new boyfriend by going behind his back to still hook up with my friend. The fact that the new boyfriend had chosen to keep swallowing lies after lies from her to calm his own growing suspicions was just...sad. Yet, I do understand that he did all those in an attempt to avoid getting hurt.

I think we all agree unanimously that hurting is no fun. Unless you're the masochistic type.

But really, that poor sod should've listened to his gut. 'Coz in the end, the girl went back to my friend, leaving the new guy high and dry in less than a month. Or maybe two, I wasn't really keeping count. So much for avoiding from getting hurt...

You all should've seen his twitter timeline.

Back to the story, her attempt at moving on, applaudable as it may, fell short and end up causing collateral damages.

Needless to say, it is established that my friend kinda sucked too at moving on.

Because moving on is never that easy if you have really fallen for the other person in that relationship. Be that in love or in lust.

Still, given enough time, things won't stay the same, people change, lights get turned off, and life goes on.

Regardless of how many heart shrapnel you left behind.

Life lessons, part 5

There are 2 kinds of surprises: the good kind, and the bad kind. And remember kids, there's no such thing as a neutral surprise; because if it's neutral, then it definitely ain't surprising.

Now, a decent example of a good surprise would be getting sex when you least expected it.

An example of a bad surprise would be getting sex when you least expected it, in prison.

See how thin the lines separating them can be?

So here's a reminder not to use the term "surprise me" lightly, 'coz you may not like what you're gonna end up with.

Like when I was asked what do I want for my anniversary present, since I was kinda caught off-guard, I said to wifey, "Surprise me."

And boy, a lot can sure happen in a period of one week, 'coz suddenly the budget that had been set aside to buy my present got downsized considerably in a family emergency.

Surprise!

So technically, I got what I asked for, even though it's not quite the way how I picture it is gonna be...

But as a consolation prize, I'm getting a water heater with what's left of the budget. Although now I'm not really sure if it's actually a present for me, or for her, so that she doesn't have to boil hot water for my bath every morning anymore.  :p

Well, whatever it is, at least it's something that's gonna get our bodies warm.

And wet.  ;)

Fresh from the oven! Or burner.

So there we were, taking a quick cigarette break on the outside fire escape stairs, and one of the guys ran out of smokes.

I offered him mine, saying that that particular pack had been taking forever to finish anyway, on its way to survive 2 weeks, so might as well he helps finish it.

The bugger then promptly turned my offer down, and took a cigarette from another guy.

So, politely, I asked him why did he pick the other guy's cigarette instead.

His reply was sorta scientific, stating that an open cigarette pack can only retain its contents' freshness for 5 days up to a week, due to direct exposure to air, humidity and whatnots. So he concluded that a pack that's been opened for over a week is definitely not fresh.

My reply was "..."

Quickly followed by a raised right eyebrow.

Dude, if you want freshness, the eff were you doing smoking?

The hell is fresh about breathing smoke derived from burning tobacco anyways? The tar content is definitely not. Neither is the 43 known carcinogens you are inhaling. Nor the 400 or so toxic chemicals it contained.

If you've chosen to smoke despite all the health warnings and the tears you shed as the smoke gets in your eyes, please don't ridicule yourself by demanding freshness.

Natural morning air, free of smoke.

Now that's fresh.

Bridge-building 101

Bridges.

Some people put so much effort into building them, only to watch it burn and crumble in the end.

Which would be such a waste, no?

I mean, when you had bothered to put in so much of everything including blood and tears into building 1, then why let it be destroyed at all? Why not built it with something that would withstand the tests of time?

Why built it in the first place?

Which is why when I built my bridges, I make sure the materials are fireproof, and the result rigid enough to have the strength in supporting a whole lotta weights, and yet flexible enough to avoid shattering.

Mine are kick ass adamantium bridges for sure.

Still, even when the bridges are indestructible, the fact remains that people at both ends may still choose not to cross it and take other ways instead.

But again, that's a different story then.

Of ass and men...

It is often said that one of the first thing that draw a man's eyesight on a woman is her boobs. And however hard we try to resist and be civilized, it is unavoidable that we will look, or at the very least steal a glance, even if the face above them is below the universal average. Seriously, we just can't help it.

On the other side of the equation, woman's eyes are said to be drawn first towards a man's rear end. Perhaps because checking the package in front is a bit too rude, or just plain harder to do without getting caught at it.

But of course, to every norms, there are exceptions.

There are lots of asscentric guys out there, and Sir Mix-a-lot's Baby Got Back sort of made that official. After all, lyrics like: "I like big butt and I can not lie" are pretty darn straightforward, don't you think?

As for myself, I appreciate a curvy female ass as well as any guys out there, but deep down, I'm more of a leg man. To catch my attention, firm shapely legs that go up and up is the surefire hook. A complete package on the upper torso would be the line. And the sinker? Well, as cliché as it may sound, it will be personality.

And although I'll put my money on the majority of us eagerly agreeing about the merits of getting physical and it's positive impact in a relationship, I do believe that in the end, it's the connectedness that makes us stay.

While it's true that we're only humans after all, I'd like to think that in general, we're not that shallow.

Or are we..?

Still, as long as there remain those of us who put importance in pillow talks and cuddles, all hope is not lost...

Saving Private Gadget

A few months back while I was still using a berry, I've managed to successfully soak it in water, through and through. The poor thing was practically submerged in water and when I opened the battery case, everything inside was wet.

So I quickly took some precaution -- or perhaps the more accurate term should be postcaution -- by switching it off as fast as I can, dismantling everything that isn't screwed on, and being very extravagant in my use of tissue paper.

To Mother Nature, I'm really sorry to be indirectly participating in natural forest destruction, but truly, it was an emergency, and hopefully for that one time only.

When I got home, I buried my berry in rice grains and waited until morning, praying all my postcaution efforts would pay off.

This morning, I reassembled my berry back together and switched on the power, and everything seems to be normal until now. Still holding my breath though.

So here's some steps you might find useful to 'save' your gadget in the unlucky event involving it being drenched in water for whatever reasons:

• Get it away from the water ASAP. Don't bother with the niceties or proper etiquettes. Dunk your hand into the cocktail bowl and retrieve your gadget if you have to. People will understand. And replacing ruined cocktail is usually cheaper than replacing your gadget.

• Switch it off immediately. No finishing of your call or sext, or twitting about it first. Find that power button and give it a firm squeeze to show that you mean business. If it refuses to shut down even after mashing the power button, remove the battery straightaway.

• Dismantle everything that's not screwed on from your gadget. The list usually include but not limited to: back cover, battery, memory card(s) and sim card(s). There's absolutely no need to peel off the screen-guard though.

• Jerk-shake your gadget vigorously until no visible liquid drips from it anymore. Be sure to have a firm grip on your gadget. You wouldn't want to have it slipped away from your hand and meet the wall or floor or cocktail remains with the force that will surely cause damage to it and rendering this whole tutorial futile.

• Use plenty of tissue papers to absorb away whatever remaining liquid that still sticks to your gadget. Create tissue-drills (you should know what I mean) to reach those hard to reach nooks and crannies.

• Air your gadget. Fan will work. Air conditioner is even better because it has a drying effect, just make sure its dehumidifier is still working properly or you'll end up blowing more moisture into your gadget. You might be tempted to use hand/hair drier on your gadget to expedite the drying process, but I would advice against it because the heat might damage some sensitive parts in your gadget instead.

• Bury your gadget for a few hours in rice grains. The grains act as dessicant to pull and absorb moisture away from your gadget. While finer grains like silica pellets or talcum powders act as a better moisture absorbent, their micro size make it possible for them to be trapped inside the inner parts of your gadget and interfere with its functions. And make sure to bury the gadget screen up (battery side down) to minimize the risk of getting unwanted grains stuck inside your gadget. You can also bury your battery along with the gadget to be extra sure, but not connected together. I buried my battery next to my berry last night, and when I switched it on this morning, everything was ok.

• Say a little prayer to whoever Higher Power you believe before reassembling your gadget and switching it back on. It won't hurt anyways.

PS - Time is crucial. And also, the above would most probably not work if the liquid you're dealing with is somewhat thick or particularly sugary.

PPS - Good luck.

Lord, I thank Thee...

Ever felt that you probably don't deserve all the good fortunes coming your way? Well, I sometimes do. Like just recently, I kept expecting all these goodies will vanish into thin air, and then I will be awaken in a much unfriendlier circumstances, but so far, things are going well and smooth with no signs of all these being just a dream.

Of course, I'm not hoping for things to blow up in my face, or to jinx myself for that matter.

Far from that.

It's just that I seriously doubt that I did enough good deeds to receive all these blessings. And although I am very thankful and grateful, I have to admit that I haven't been expressing them nearly often enough. At least not according to my religion's standard.

It's obvious that I'm not a model practitioner of my religion. I very rarely pray 5 times a day, I haven't exactly been trying my hardest to avoid temptations, and even if I have been, often times that's not nearly enough to steer clear of trouble.

So here I am, feeling extremely blessed, yet somewhat ashamed to others that had done much better in making their life useful according to the Creator's will, but didn't fare quite as...lucky..?

Well... Isn't this a weird turn of mood on a Friday night.

Enough reflecting, let's go club-hopping!

*sniffles*

I was browsing through 9gag when I found this:

As I was reading through it, a group of ninjas started peeling onions around me, and kicking up sand and dust all around, irritating my eyes and nose.

Darn stupid ninjas.  *sniffles*

Butterflies...

Curious things, those butterflies are.

They come in various size and colors, from nondescript dull to breathtakingly beautiful.

And they can be found in such varied environments too, from the wide open fields, to the small enclosed spaces that are our stomachs.

I'm sure we've all felt it at some point or other in our lives. Usually preceding moments of great happenings. When we are nervous or anxious. When the heart is pumping like mad and sending the adrenaline rushing through our blood vessels at an alarming rate. When we're not sure whether what's gonna happen next is gonna be greatly glorious or hugely disastrous.

An easy to relate example would be during the final interview of a job you really, really want. Or perhaps during the first real date with someone you've set your eyes on for the longest time. Whatever the situation, the butterflies are sure to flutter when the outcome is either win big or go broke.

Well, as high school as it seems to be nervous for something rather frivolous like your first date, at least it's proof that we're still alive. That we can still feel something and haven't gone completely numb or zombified.

And that's a beautiful thing, right?

Spam! (No, not the canned meat)

Earlier today, I was scrolling through my spam box, which is basically full of offers from people who make expensive watches replicas, people who make the best cigars, people who want me to gamble with them, people who want me to lose weight, canadians who want to sell me drugs, people who want me to date other people, people who have pre-approved my platinum credit card, people who can make it easier for me to get laid tonight, and of course, people who think I should grow my manhood even bigger.

Well, obviously they haven't seen mine then.

But that aside, some of the e-mails subject are so downright...warped, it's actually entertaining.

Let me give you an example from "Penis Growth Free trials", who sent me an e-mail with the subject of "Butts that looks awesome". Now, I'm not even sure of where they are going with this and what they are trying to tell me here, but if my assumption were true, no offense dude, I just don't roll that way. But then again, maybe it's just that the word "butt" somehow rubs me the wrong way as compared to "ass".  :p

Another interesting e-mail came from "Free trials Men's Supplement", whose subject is "Scare people with your tool today". And I think those guys are totally missing the point here. By a few galaxies. I mean, the whole general idea is to attract women, right? So why in the name of all that is holy should I want to scare them? 'Coz I've noticed people have this tendency to go in the opposite direction and away from what is scary, which generally repels rather than attracts. So if the huge idea from the guys behind the e-mail is for me to go hand solo, then I shall pass, and even Gandalf himself won't be able to stop me.

As parting words, to the people who empty their spam box without checking its contents, let me say: don't. At least check it first, 'coz it may still be good for a few laughs.  :D

B-b-b-tits!

An interesting topic popped out while I was ym-ing.

Boobs.

Most guys are fascinated with them. Captivated. Enthralled. Obsessed, even.

And why is that, you might ask?

The answer is pretty simple and apparent, actually. 'Coz we don't have them. And that's a very human reason indeed, to want and obsess over things one does not -- and perhaps cannot -- have.

And so guys are attracted to boobs like moths to open flame. And pretty much any boobs will do, really. All shapes and sizes have their own fan-base. Just as long as they are in their prime state and relatively youthful. I mean, let's be honest here, age and gravity aren't very kind to boobs, and only a generous sum of money has any fighting chance against their effects.

Oh, and them boobs better be female. Man boobs don't count, and are automatically disqualified due to the basic reason that men aren't supposed to have boobs. Things that we have are by rule deemed not attractive and not worth pursuing anymore. With the exception of power, money and women, of course.

Back to the topics at hand -- or at least there's where we all wish them to be -- that's why we came out with so many boobs-related activities and thingies. Like Hooters, for one. And wet t-shirt contests. And trading beads for flashing. And silicone implants. And w*nderbras, especially G*d's Hand. And lots of other things I better leave out lest I implicate myself unfavorably later.

Funny thing is, guys aren't the only ones obsessed with boobs. Maybe we have successfully shared our collective fascination towards boobs to the whole civilization. Or perhaps women are just wired with such a strong sense of competition to come out with boob-envy on their own. Whatever it is, we're definitely enjoying the show...  B-)

So here's to boobs and the freedom to flaunt 'em. Be that by wearing bra with showcasing features, or even going in the opposite direction by being braless. And fear not girls, us guys will all be on hand to provide any support that the missing bra left off.  ;)

Gotta catch 'em all!

Life lessons, part 3

Nearing the end of last year, the whole extended family and I were spending the Christmas weekend in Kuningan, visiting my father in law's (now late) mother and her family. But since there's no train going directly to Kuningan, we took the train to Cirebon first before continuing with rental cars.

That was not our first Kuningan trip, and before, we chose to go driving all the way. But that weekend, the prospect of driving seemed tiring and we're not about to take our chances against the traffic, so we took the train.

And the followings were some of the things that I've learned on board of the Cirebon Express, on our way towards, well, Cirebon of course. Nothing overly deep or serious, but still noteworthy to me. To start it off:

• You can easily make friends with strangers aboard the train. Especially if you're traveling solo. And there's another solo traveler in the same carriage. And the seat next to each other is empty. And preferably if the two solo travelers are of different genders. But please try to make sure the two of you are of the same species to avoid unwanted conflict(s).

• There's something intrinsically pleasing and appetizing about eating nasi rendang bungkus in the train. It felt like a special picnic of a sort, 'coz you're outdoor and yet indoor, sitting still and yet traveling at over 80kmph, all at the same time. Only the unfortunate biting of a clove stalk stopped me from demolishing a third serving. And although I prefer my cigarettes to be kretek, turned out I don't care much for kretek rendang.

• When you offered help to others without any hidden agenda, sometimes your sincerity ended up being questioned. In the train, I saw a somewhat attractive Cici with 3 smaller siblings -- or perhaps children -- having trouble turning the seats, and so I came over and turned the seats around for them, after which I saw a strange expression on her face that seemed to question my motive(s). What, can't a guy act gentlemanly nowadays? So much for my face being the epitome of kindness and decency. Meh.

• Newer is not always better. The Cirebon Train Station, for example. It's now revamped with underpass and everything, but when we reached there and got greeted by a royal thunderstorm, the whole renovation felt next to useless. The roof was leaking here and there for f's sake. Try to picture a half decent underpass, and then try to logically connect that to a leaky and flooded train station. Fail.

• Last but not least, isat 3G is a rare creature in Kuningan. Oh well...

'Coz we gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith...

There was this one time when my bro and I got into a friendly debate about the existence of God and religion, or maybe the absence of one.

As an agnostic, my bro doesn't believe in God from any specific religion, but believes in karma instead.

So there were some very solid arguments presented in our banter; among them was that if there is truly a God -- who is omnipotent and omniscient -- and if anything and everything only happen with his prior knowledge and according to his will, then it's kinda unfair for Him to be pissed and rain us down with shit if we do bad things that are not in compliance to His terms and conditions, right? Because He knows beforehand that we're gonna do it, right? And He wills it, or allows it to happen, right? Then why punish us for it? If He doesn't want it to happen, He can simply make it so and it'll never would've happened, right?

All I could say in return was that the gift of free will is a luxury not afforded to any other creatures in creation. With it, we are given choices, to be good or to be naughty. Choosing good despite all the available temptations will guarantee you to be in His good side, with an eternal good life in heaven as your reward. And even if we choose naughty, there are plenty of chances to repent and ask for forgiveness before we leave this mortal plane. And if we time the repentance just right, we can theoretically be naughty all our lives and still go to heaven. Sweet!

What about the shit rains and punishments, you might ask? Well, those are just His way of testing us whether we're still cool with Him even if we got crap luck throughout life. If we are, we'll be dining in Heaven in the eternal afterlife, which I don't need to remind you is waaaaay longer than the average human lifespan. Suffer 70 years and be gloriously happy for eternity is still a good deal to me.

On the other hand, we have the school of karma. No God here to govern things, just the give and take karma 'balance' arrangement. So you do good, you get good in return, and if you do bad, you get shit thrown at you. My problem with this system is that even bad intentions count as bad deeds. So you might be daydreaming and somehow idly think about being naughty, and suddenly you're neck deep in shit. And that's before you even carry out the deed. Imagine what could happen if you actually go through with it. For me, this ain't exactly fair balance, because I never see people swamped with good things just by thinking of doing good and not really doing any.

Plus, there's the reincarnation. Afterlife made tangible.

If you do really good in this life, you get to live really well in your after -- or perhaps we should say next -- life. By that logic, those filthy rich corrupt officials must have been really really good in their previous incarnation, and that's why they get to enjoy this life with the privilege of throwing crap on others. What bothers me is if they were really good before, how in fuck's name they got to be so messed up now? Where did all those goodness disappear to? And how come when the rest can get buried in crap just for thinking bad stuffs, these guys get off scot free for actually doing bad stuffs? How much are they paying karma to look the other way?

And in the karmic rule, if you fail miserably in this life, you have to redo it in the next, and more often than not as a lower level creature. So if you are consistent enough in failing, you can actually start out as a leader of men and end up as a butt-worm after several reincarnations or so.

Given the available choices, I'll take my only-shot now-or-never do-or-die one incarnation under God. At least I know I won't have to repeat indefinitely, and might just got lucky enough to end up in Heaven after a successful repentance... And I seriously don't want to end up as a butt-worm.  :D

But I got this nagging feeling that for questioning and writing all these, I will have to spend some time purging myself in hell...  x_x

No keys, no secrets, no shortcuts, simply...

Some times ago, I read a blog post that can be summarized with: happiness starts from yourself.

And I couldn't have agreed more.

Although I haven't been preaching it, I try to live by it. Just like the legen...wait for it...dary Barney Stinson said in this picture:

And it is true. In most cases, you and you alone get to determine whether you're going to be awesome and happy, or sad and miserable. It's about acceptance, and making peace with who you are, with all your quirks and imperfections that somehow make you unique, and whole, and awesome. Of course, being able to accept material things to console you won't hurt. But the tricky part is, you're not supposed to put too much effort on attaining it, because happiness is a by-product, not an end result.

That said, there are lots of things that can make one happy. A warm gun, perhaps, as said by The Beatles. Or finding something you thought you've lost. Knowing that you're loved. Being together. Being alone every now and then. It can be anything and anywhere, really. And you can even buy it, even if only for awhile.

Trust me, those who say that you can't buy happiness don't know where to shop. Or where the good joints are.  :D

Anyway, one of the best quote on happiness in my personal opinion -- you are free to disagree of course -- is this: Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. And guess what, at its root lies acceptance. If you can want, or at the least like and accept everything you're given in life as good things -- including your awesome quirks -- and use them to their fullest potential, then you're great to go.

For closing, how about a quote from my favorite sayings about happiness? And before you start protesting, the best doesn't have to mean it's going to be the favorite, ok? So here it is, my favorite: Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth...

No flushing necessary.

A navigator's view

There are few things in life quite as heartrending as seeing someone you care about laughing, and knowing that the laughs are replacements for tears.

Especially so if you're sitting in the navigator seat, and all you could do is watch. Because it's not in your rights to wrench the steering wheel away from the driver and drive towards the beautiful sunset.

That decision has to be in the hands of the driver.

So all you could do is offer companionship, and perhaps an advice or two, and let the driver run the course, praying under your breath that the car won't crash and be irreparably damaged.

Finger-crossed.

Life lessons, part 2

Humans love to build.

Within each of us resonates the yearning to leave something behind to remember us by, and what better and lasting way is there than to leave a solid building?

And the bigger, the better.

Which explains why since we are still in our diapers, our parents had told us to play with building blocks, lego, and the likes. Also, I'm kinda sure it's all based in the vain hope that someday, we'll build and leave something of ourselves that will last longer than the battery in that pink bunny.

To tell the truth, I still like playing with lego and kits even until now.  :D  There's something calming and cathartic in the process of building a structure, even if it's just a miniature version of it. Of course this holds true if and only if we can find all the parts to complete the whole thing. Missing parts will more often be chaotic and catastrophic rather than cathartic.

And if you think about it, in building things, there also lies our unique approaches. If the thing we are building is big, then we go for solidity, everlasting and the whoa effect. But if it's small, then it's the details and wtf complexity that we're after.

Sometimes we build something with meticulous attention to details while also taking great care to weave in the mind-blowing intricacies, but choose the wrong materials altogether. Like sand, for example.

There are many levels to building a sand castle, from downright simple and plain up to impossibru Asian. Still, although they all differ in the complexities of their details, they still share a basic aspect of being constructed from sand. Not the most trustworthy and solid material out there on their own, I'm afraid.

So you put in the time, effort, heart and mind into constructing a sand castle to the best of your ability, when suddenly comes along an unpredictable rogue wave that pretty much lay waste to the structure that was to be your masterpiece. And you feel a little sad, but realize that there's not much you can really do to prevent what happened because wave control is just slightly beyond your skill mastery.

That leaves you with at least two options: move away from the beach to avoid the waves, or rebuild and redesign your sand castle, this time around perhaps by equipping it with deep moats and flood channels.

Well, personally, I kinda like the beach, so I'll stick around. And I'll work on that damn moat with whatever I can get.

*image courtesy of John Hartman

A sample...

Remember that I said 9gag sometimes gives you practical instructional tips? Well, this is one of them, but bear in mind that this is a not safe for work material, so open at your discretion...  :D

And not only this tip is useful, it's seriously fun and pleasurable too. Bonus points!

Wazzzaaaaaaaaappp???

Whassup? Whaddup? Wazzup?

It started as a catchy little phrase we say to greet each other when we happen to meet.

Then there was a series of ads from Budweiser running from 1999 - 2002 that shot this phrase back to stardom and reaching cult status, significantly marked by the dragging of its pronunciation as long as possible.

In 2005, Agnes used it to name her album.

The phrase and ads have also received homage in the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother".

Now, there's even a cross-platforms application for cellphones named after a form of the phrase, called WhatsApp. Many would say it's just an imitation of BlackBerry's BBM, and in some ways it is, but to be fair, the app is not without its own merits.

The similarities start from their instant message delivery, of course. After all, both are instant messaging applications to begin with. Then there's the file sharing feature. And also the use of emoticons. And the group system. Then you have the message notifications system, or the stalker mode as I would call it. Both provide icons that let their users know whether or not a message has been delivered and read. So let's say you are reminding someone to meet you somewhere at some time, then you see the read notification is activated. Later on, that someone wouldn't be able to say that he/she didn't get the message without being implicated as lying.

And WhatsApp even takes it one step further by adding the "last seen" and "online" notifications, enabling its user to check when was the last time another user has used WhatsApp, or is in fact currently using it as per the checking time.

Or maybe a few steps further. And backward at that, perhaps. Because in BlackBerry, you have to at least exchange pin approvals before you can start messaging others, whereas in WhatsApp, all you need is the phone number of a user, no exchange of approvals needed.

Kinda perfect set up for stalking and spamming.

Regrets, and reliefs...

This piece was originally titled "Regrets, in having done it my way" if I'm not mistaken. And this was written first 5 years ago in my friendster blog, before I copied it to vox. Sadly, both site met their demise, and for awhile, I sort of lost this post.

I believe this was one of the first heartfelt post that I wrote. Mostly, I tend to count on my brain to write and my heart rarely takes part, so this post really meant a lot.

I did try to search my files for it, from the office to the ones at home, but got nothing.

And although I believe that anything you put on the net will stay on the net for all eternity, I've almost given up all hope in retrieving this, since googling it proved to be futile.

But then, by some cosmic occurrences, I received the whole thing in my e-mail. And now, here it is...


Regret.

A bitter-tasting pill indeed.

Not something you would choose to swallow on your own, but in the end, you are forced to anyway.

And that’s just the thing about regret, there’s no going around it. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to change the situation, because by the time regret comes knocking, then it’s already too late.

My father passed away 2 weeks ago, just 2 weeks after his 74th birthday.

We used to be so close, he and I. And I still remember how I used to look up to him and depend on him a lot.

But as the years went by, ‘I grew up’ and we began to talk less and less, although we were still living together under the same roof (as the youngest child, the ‘task’ of ‘being there’ for my parents is left to me). And with the hectic schedule of my line of work, plus the fact that I have a wife that owns the right to most of my time and availability, the time that I and Dad ended up spending together was somewhat…lacking.

We never actually talked anymore. You know, the kind that lasts longer than 15 minutes. And we used to do that. Talking, I mean. About everything and anything. Man… We used to be so close, he passed down his antique porn magazines collection to me. But all that had somehow changed. A lot. Until the only kind of talking we had was the "how are you", "where are you going", "hi" and "bye" stuff.

And now that I couldn’t talk to him anymore, ever; thinking back of how it had come to this made me… Regretful..?

I regret the fact that he had asked me oh so long ago to treat him to a fancy steak dinner, and I had agreed to it, but just couldn’t slip in the time. And now there’s no way I could make good on that promise.

I regret that I didn’t spend more time with him when I was home. Just watching TV together and having small talks would’ve been more than enough for him. But now I couldn’t do any of that anymore.

I regret that I didn’t offer myself more often to take him to places. He’s the type that dislikes to bother others much, and thus never asked for much of others, not even from his own children. He’d rather take the bus than ask me or my siblings to take him to the mall. And he wouldn’t even require much of us at the mall, just a simple stroll through the aisles of a supermarket, do a little sight-seeing, that would’ve been enough. And now, I wouldn’t be able to accompany him anywhere or to do any of those things at all, even if I have all the time and the best of intentions.

And I regret in postponing too long to have children and give him a grandchild. Now that my wife is pregnant, my future children won’t be able to get to know their grandfather in person. And I won’t be able to hold my first-born proudly and offer it to Dad to be held.

There are plenty more that I regret not having done with Dad while I still had the chance, and now that I lost that, the regret just got worse.

And you know what’s so damn bloody ironic? I’m currently working on an ad campaign, aptly themed as “No Regret”.

I’m so sorry, Dad.

Lost and found

I lost my berry last Friday.

For the second time around. Meaning, until today, I have successfully lost a total of 2 berries so far. I just pray that number is already fixed and ain't counting still.

And "strangely" enough, the berry I lost that Friday was already almost lost previously in a similar event held by the exact same organizer. Coincidence? Perhaps... But I highly doubt it.

I felt sorta disoriented and lost at first. And for those of you who laughed at that, c'mon, admit it, we live in a society that thinks there's something not quite right when you leave the house without having any gadget on your person.

But then I adapt, and in that gadget-less state, I found peace.

Of course, once in awhile my mind strayed to wonder whether anyone is looking for, calling or messaging me. And I also wonder, among those fantasy calls/messages, was there any that's meant to offer me extra money on the side? Or want to take me out for a night of fun, all expenses paid? And at times I would also think of what's happening in twitterverse, but above all else, I thought about the pain it's gonna be to update my contact list...  >.<

A point is proven though. That it's doable, and it's possible for me to survive it.

Still, for a person making a living in an industry that's all about communicating messages, I fully realized that I can't stay this way for too long. Got things to do and people I should get in touch with for those things to be done.

So, I'll be getting a replacement one of these days. I've yet to decide on what, but I guess I can always use that "yet to decide" excuse to extend this gadget-less existence.

Until then, I'll be enjoying this new-found tranquility...

Mind what you're having

To those of you who have watched Limitless, you will know what I'll be talking about here. And for those who haven't, go watch it. Seriously, it's pretty decent, and the idea of what a certain drug can do to you will blow your mind.

Especially since the drug we are going to talk about is a mind-altering one. Hell, forget about mind-altering, it's bloody mind-enhancing. Downright mind-blowing even, for lack of a better phrase.

And I'm talking about NZT, or thallanylzirconio-methyl-tetrahydro-triazatriphenylene. Perhaps it is more familiarly known by its street name, the clear pill.

And before you go on quoting about humans only using 10% of their brain, well, I'm here to set you straight and say: that's nonsense. All parts, if not 100% of our brain, are active and being used most of the time, to keep us alive and functioning. Pretty fair, since the brain uses up to 20% of the body's energy for an organ that makes up only 2% of the whole body in mass.

What is most probably true is that we only use 10 - 20% of our brains' full ability. And this wonder pill enables you to use 100% of your brain's true potential. With certain risky side effects, I admit, but the trade-off is pretty fair, right?

Imagine what you can do in life you can learn to master foreign language in a few hours? Or make a million dollar profit from the stock market in days? Or pick up details and information to practically charm the pants off the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on how you choose to roll). Who wouldn't want that, really?

Of course I'm not really sure how it's gonna go if everyone is on NZT, but supposedly the drug works even better if the person taking it is already intelligent to begin with.

Still, I guess not everything in life can be solved with NZT. But worry not, for those particular problems, I have another pill for you.

Or you can stay off these imaginary drugs and just have crazy sex to enjoy the serotonin, oxytocin and vasopressin cocktail afterwards.

At least that's the real deal.

Yo dawg!

This was originally posted early last December on my other blog. Well, since the content is kinda good, I think this blog should share it too, and here it is then:

So I was cruising through 9gag when I stumbled upon this post. And as I read it, I thought the post deserves to be re-shared. But since the 9gag's one is in picture format, I decided to google it for the text version, and true enough, google didn't disappoint me by giving me this link: http://www.upgradereality.com/a-dogs-purpose-from-a-6-year-old

Inside, the owner of the site had further added to the post some equally nice reminder of what dogs can teach their owner, or humans in general, a better way to live. I believe we all can take a hint or two from the following, and here they are, retyped (because the spacing got all weird if I simply copy paste) and edited slightly:

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane would learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt a familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try to live.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"

The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was your teacher, you'll learn things like:

• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. 
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. 
• Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. 
• Take naps. 
• Stretch before rising. 
• Run, romp and play daily. 
• Thrive on attention and let people touch you. 
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. 
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. 
• On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. 
• When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. 
• Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. 
• Never pretend to be something you're not. 
• If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. 
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. 
• And most importantly, enjoy every moment of every day! 

Woof!

It's ok...

I used to think of 9gag as a place to find jokes and wtf stuffs almost exclusively. But as I get more familiar with its inner workings, especially since 9gag changed its archive system, I started to find little gems of stuffs outside of the general wacky norms.

Like instructional stuffs for example. Mostly about sex positions -- which goes straight into my library for future perusals if the pic is big and clear enough -- but not just limited to that, of course. For example, a few days back I found instructions on how to make knots, and also the various ways you can tie your shoe laces in. All of which might have just come in handy in the future.

I think.

What I wasn't expecting to find was the self-realization/life observation/motivational/enlightenment posts, because some of them are actually good and pretty 'deep', even quote-worthy. Of course I'll stash the best stuffs in my library in case I need to wow people some other time. As Einstein have said, "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources" and if you can't trust him on that, who can you trust, really?

Still, don't worry, for I won't leave you all hanging, high and dry, scratching the wall from curiosity. What I will do is show you one such example of an interesting life observation, at least according to me. Fair enough? Well, here it is then:

Seriously, it is.

Mind over matter

I found this photo on 9gag (where else?) and just feel like it would be nice to post it here.

For no particular reason, actually, other than perhaps to disagree with the original title from 9gag, which is: Love is blind.

I don't believe that the guy in the photo is blind. Nor blinded, for that matter.

Instead, I'd like to think the guy loves the girl enough, that visuals cease to matter anymore. Wouldn't that be nicer?

Because while outer appearance may easily changes and fades, who you truly are inside usually won't. And if you're aiming big and gunning for the long run, always go inner.

And then again, who needs to see anything at all when you can distinctly feel boobs pressing firmly against your forehead?  :p

*d'oh!*

I just reconfirmed why I dislike writing multiply blog post using my berry.

It's doable, sure. Fully functional, even, although somewhat limited. Such as the fact that you can't edit a post, even in its draft state. And also, there's no option to allow access for select individuals only. But that's no biggie, since you can still write whatever sensitive info or secrets you want, save it as a draft, and wait until you're in front of a PC to toggle with the access before publishing it officially.

And to all fanboys out there, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you that a mac is still a computer. And when you use it in a personal context, then it's a PC. Simple logic. 

Anyway, problem is, sometimes when you are writing and you haven't quite truly finished it, you take a break first and don't want to save it as yet, because then you can't amend or change it until you're in front of a PC.

Then you want to delete something, but without you realizing, your pointer accidentally veered out of the writing area-box thingy.

And then you press backspace/del.

Bye-bye.

Blog post go down the hooooole...  *this is to be read using tiny toon plucky's tone*

So you curse yourself, and the stray cursor, and multiply, and the berry, and who/whatever else are lucky enough to be graced with your curse in the immediate vicinity.

Then you cool down, take a deep breath, and rack your brain for its photoshopic memory.

After which, you go on and write something else altogether.

What the duck?!

Interracial relationship is mostly tolerable in our civilization.

A for inter-species, not so much. Even with the full consent of all participating parties.

So to all animal lovers out there, here's a friendly reminder: your habit is not permissible under the law. Just stick with fellow humans. You have been warned.

Essentially...

The past few days were really, truly hot. Seriously. And by hot, I mean it felt almost like a you're on a tropical beach, playing under the sun, but there's no scantily clad babes around.

So yeah, it kinda sucked.

And while in an altogether different scenario the combo of hot and sucked might actually be a great thing indeed, these past three days certainly ain't it.

The heat makes one wish for rain.

For water, the essence of life.

And for such high esteem to be given to the liquid is not without solid reasons.

I'm sure you've been taught or at least heard from somewhere that about 70% of the average human body is pretty much water. Which perhaps explains how some of us can move so fluidly, while others get to be so jiggly with it.

Anyhow, it's simple logic that if 70% of you is water, then by God, water has got to be bleeding important for you, right? If that ever runs out, you're pretty much screwed.

Such is water's importance in our lives, and since He designed it to be that way, our Creator is kind enough to set up a system in which the availability of water can be guaranteed. *Whoa, the plot just took a wild turn! I bet you weren't expecting this now, were you? :p

It's called the water cycle, a system which is a true beauty in its simplicity.

To start with, you have evaporation/transpiration, a process which basically converts water in the earth's surface into water vapors in the air.

Then all those rogue water vapors will huggle up and get cozy and form water droplets in rain clouds through a process called condensation.

To complete the cycle, then we have the precipitation process, or to put simply, rain, which returns water into the earth's surface, providing us living things with sustenance.

Now when the cycle runs along its course smoothly, all is well in this world, barring other shits happening and hitting the fan, of course.

But say the precipitation part got...hindered for some reason or another, and the rain is not coming, while the sun keeps at it and continues to evaporate water up and away from the earth. Well then, sooner or later, there won't be anymore water left for the earth to give now, would it?

So in the end, it all comes down to give and take. And as noble as one might intend to be, you can't keep on giving without taking some in return. Else, the water will simply run dry.

And now that you think of it, a lot like love, this water business is.

Life lessons, an ongoing series

This past couple of months have taught me some things.

The first is that sometimes, no matter how bad you wanted something and worked your ass to get it, if it’s not meant to be yours, you'll probably ain’t getting none of it.

The second is that sometimes, that same thing that you’ve wanted so badly landed itself in the lap of someone who doesn’t even want is half as much as you. 

You see, I’ve been angling for this particular job for the past 3 months or so, ever since I’ve found out that there’s an opening. At first, I did everything splendidly and I gave it my best shot, from the initial interview, take home test, follow ups, all the works; and everything went smoothly and progressed along nicely.

And then somehow the HR Department in my current company got wind of it, and things started unraveling. It took all of my focus and efforts to avoid a tragic conclusion, but it was all worth it and seems to work thus far…

Then the universe decided to spice things up, and the HR from the company I’m zeroing in also found out about my situation. And so I’m deemed too risky and the HR decided to play it safe by offering the job to another candidate, someone who’s just going along with the flow, doesn’t seem to be into it with all his heart and soul, and puts in just enough effort to stay in contention.

And it’s been a crazy roller coaster ride for me ever since, with the two of us vying for the HR’s interest. Well, not so much him than me, actually. I’m basically whoring myself, while my competitor plays the aloof yet perhaps interested card, a very smart move indeed. I fully realize that my wholesale positioning carries the risk of lessening my appeal, but when you want and need something so bad, you’ll take risks, and beggars can’t be choosers.

Of course, it doesn’t help that the other candidate happens to be my own friend. That pretty much closes the option of me being mean and sabotaging him. And more or less leaves me relying on persistence and hope.

Oh well, I guess may the best man wins…

By the way, this whole piece was written with Friends With Benefits running in the background, and it was reaching its end just as I was finishing this.

So, anybody up for a game of tennis?