To hell with diet, let's just have wild sex!

Believe it or not, sex (when done properly) is the best way to lose a few pounds. It burns crazy amount of calories, not to mention putting your whole body through a broad range of movements, exercising all parts equally. It's a great cardiovascular exercise, it trains endurance and stamina, keeps your joints powerful and your body limber, builds up your strength (try carrying the weight of your partner throughout a session, even if that session lasted less than 5 minutes), and last but not least, it's fun and enjoyable (even addictive)!

Anyway, I basically ripped and translated this article (back to English) from the June 2004 edition of SOAP, which I'm damn sure must've ripped and translated it (to Indonesian) from a foreign publication, I forget which exactly, but I'm really positive I've read it before.

Still, I feel compelled to add this bit of advice: Be safe and responsible, rubberized yourself. And with that said, here goes...

TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her consent....................................................12 cal
Without her consent..............................................187 cal

TAKING OFF HER BRA
Using 2 hands..........................................................8 cal
Using 1 hand..........................................................12 cal
Using your mouth....................................................85 cal

PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
During erection.........................................................6 cal
Before erection.....................................................315 cal

FOREPLAY
Searching for her clitoris...........................................8 cal
Searching for her G-Spot.........................................92 cal

POSITIONS
Missionary...............................................................2 cal
69 horizontal............................................................8 cal
69 vertical............................................................112 cal
Trolley.................................................................216 cal
Doggy..................................................................326 cal
Italian chandelier...................................................912 cal

ORGASM
For real................................................................112 cal
Faking it..............................................................315 cal

POST ORGASM
Staying in bed........................................................18 cal
Jumping off the bed................................................36 cal
Finding out why she's jumping off the bed...............816 cal

GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
16-19 years old......................................................12 cal
20-29 years old......................................................36 cal
30-39 years old....................................................108 cal
40-49 years old....................................................324 cal
50-59 years old....................................................972 cal
60-69 years old.................................................2.916 cal
70 years old and above.........................still undetermined

PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
In your own relaxed pace.......................................32 cal
In a hurry.............................................................98 cal
With her husband knocking at the door................1218 cal
With your wife banging at the door......................3521 cal

Remember, boys and girls - Practice makes perfect. So why are you still here reading this? Go get some practice!